This is Part 1 of a three-part series, the Three F-Words. These are the three words that can tank your mindset, impact your performance (in your career, hobbies, and life), affect your relationships, and ultimately shape how you show up every day.

To kick us off we’re starting with – FEAR.

If our hearts know:

• What we want;
• Who we want to be;
• Where we want to go in life;
• Who we really are inside;

Then what’s keeping us from living that life? What’s keeping us from showing up for the people we care about, working toward our goals, and chasing our dreams?

Simply, fear.

We’ve learned to be afraid. As we grew up, our different experiences taught us what to be afraid of. These would be the things we experienced directly and the things we observed from the environment around us.
Not every experience turned into a lifelong fear though. Like when we fell learning how to walk as a baby but got back up. Or when we got back on the bike after the first crash to the ground.

Other times we pushed through fears and found that the experience wasn’t so bad. Like when we showed up for the first day of school terrified but found that our classes were easy to find and we made friends easily.

I know all the parents will relate to this one – I was scared to death to have my first child. But I did it anyway. Now I have two amazing, beautiful (grown) kids.

Fear – and I’m sure you’ve heard this – stands for:
False
Evidence
Appearing
Real

That’s what it is – false evidence.

Fears are false evidence created from old beliefs and twisted memories. They’re illusions our minds create to keep us safe from, most often, exaggerated or unrealistic threats.

[Some fears are completely realistic and should be listened to – we’re not talking about those.]

How is the false evidence affecting us now?

Take a look at where you’re not doing something, not trying something, or not saying something because you’re afraid.

What if we fall? What if we fail? What if we disappoint? What if that person gets upset with us? What if the relationship ends?

Pushing through fear is something that must be learned and it takes practice. You have to learn how to look within and question, what is this about? Where did it come from?

Sometimes it can be helpful to look at what it’s costing you. Fear often costs you your dreams, your aspirations, your goals, your relationships, your future relationships, etc.

Maybe you were once so afraid that you didn’t want to go out and do something, like take yourself to dinner, where you might have met the man or woman of your dreams. You may have had the experience of a lifetime. But instead, you sat at home. As icing on the cake, you probably convinced yourself it was “a waste of time anyway” instead of acknowledging the fear.

I remember when I was so afraid to go parasailing. I thought there was no way I’d trust a parachute and there was zero possibility of it. But then I was on vacation (before kids) and the opportunity presented itself, so I said yes on a whim. I remember the moment the boat pulled away and I flew up into the air. On the videotape, you can hear me screaming.

But when I took a deep breath and opened my eyes, the view was like a dream. I could see the clouds in the sky with me, the specks of people on the beach, and the water below me. Luckily I didn’t see any big shadows swimming next to the boat. When I embraced the moment, I realized it was actually an amazing experience that I’ll surely never forget.

And so, I’ll ask you, how many experiences are you keeping yourself from because of fear?

Still not sure? Take a look at where you are making up reasons why you can’t do something. This is a real tricky strategy that fear will utilize to keep you stuck. After all, the main job of fear is to keep you safe. Put another way, fear keeps you where you’re comfortable – even if that means dangerous or exhausting environments or circumstances.

If we continually listen to fear, we risk never doing, achieving, or becoming who and what we’re meant to.

Right now, think of one thing you’ve been putting off. What if one year from now you never made the move? Or took the chance? Or jumped at the opportunity?

Would that be worse than taking action now?

Because here’s the truth – even if you fall short or it doesn’t work out, you’re now a different person with a new experience to guide you. You will have learned something that you can use when you take the next step.

My daughter is a brilliant Fractional COO and she tells me all the time, “It’s very rare that anything is a life-ending fire. Take a breath and take the next step.”

And so, the question of the ages – how do we stop fear?

It’s true, fear is a hairy beast. But so is a teddy bear. They’re just packaged differently.

Why don’t we try thinking of fear differently?

Such as thinking of fear as a warning sign. A warning sign meant to make us pause, take a breath, consider the outcomes, and then move forward knowing that the benefits outweigh the risks and we’re sure in our decision.

If the fear feels overwhelming, ask it some questions. Fear loves to talk.

Some great questions to ask are:

• Do I really want this?
• Why is this bothering me so much?
• What am I really afraid of?
• What’s the worst thing that could possibly happen and how likely is it?
• When did I first feel this fear? What does this remind me of?

From there, the choice is yours. You can make your decision from fear or you can make your decision from love.

Do what you want, be who you want to be, but face those fears. Then thank them. Take away their power and give it back to your heart.